NFBE Chapter 198 Light and Shadow
Chapter 198 Light and Shadow
Jiang Deng thought so and asked this question.
When Zhou Wu let her go, she asked him: [What do you love about me?]
Zhou Wu was stunned for a second, his eyes a little confused:?
[What I want to say is that there needs to be a specific reason to love someone, otherwise what you love is not the specific me, but just the imaginary lover. ]
Jiang Deng said, feeling a little emo again, [I want to know what you like about me? What is it? ]
Although she always lies to herself that she is a good person, she actually knows that she has a lot of problems and is a bad person. It's just that since no one else likes her, she has to like herself.
She's not that good, but she's not that bad either.
Jiang Deng has been learning to love herself a little more, and she is also working hard to make herself mentally strong.
She is not as sensitive as before, and she didn't get sick this time, right?
But sometimes, the harsh comments from the outside world still make Jiang Deng feel a little lost. She needs to cheer herself up from time to time to muster up the courage to keep going.
Just as Zhou Wu was about to speak, Jiang Deng said:
[I don't want perfunctory and nice words. I am asking you seriously, and you should think about it carefully before answering me.]
So Zhou Wu didn't say a word and slowly closed his mouth.
The two walked slowly along the sidewalk hand in hand until the sun set, the sky darkened, and the street lights came on.
No one spoke.
I don’t know how long it took.
Jiang Deng thought he would not be able to wait for the result.
You see, such a question stumped him. Perhaps Zhou Wu didn’t love her after all, and the system’s detection results showed that there was a bug.
The fact is, no one loves her, and no one can be trusted except herself.
Jiang Deng couldn't control the dull pain in her heart. She wanted to bend down, squat down and hug herself to relieve the pain, but she couldn't do it now. She had to leave Zhou Wu first.
So she stopped and prepared to part ways with Zhou Wu.
"Maybe it's freedom." Zhou Wu suddenly spoke.
He was a little at a loss, as if he sensed her impending alienation. Zhou Wu tightly grasped her hand and spoke in a hurried tone, "Ayu, you don't know, you are very free and pure. When I am with you, I don't have to think about anything."
"I don't have to think about the burden of my family, my parents' expectations of me, or all the problems that exist in reality."
"When we are together, happiness is happiness and sadness is sadness."
"Ayu, I know you've always envied me, but... I envy you, too. Love is tied to expectations and responsibilities, but you don't have to shoulder these, and you don't have to please anyone."
After she became extreme, Zhou Wu actually discussed this issue several times with his good friend Li Zhennan, discussing why he raised Jiang Deng like this and what the deep psychological motivation behind it was.
If we must dig deeper into the reasons, the truth is somewhat cruel:
When he protected her, he was essentially protecting the carefree self in his heart.
His parents and grandparents have placed too much trust in him, and Zhou Wu sometimes feels tired and even breathless.
He must be excellent in everything. He is not allowed to be vulnerable or to do anything out of line.
Of course, he likes to study AI, but in addition to AI, he also likes fishing, playing games, traveling, and skiing...
But these are seen as a waste of time by the elders. As the future heir to the Zhou family, these activities can never become his main job.
Zhou Wu needs the kind of vitality that is always self-centered and wantonly squandered in Jiang Deng.
From childhood to adulthood, he had always been the one who lost power in front of his parents and grandparents, but in front of Jiang Deng...
The situation is reversed.
She was so fragile, she was very dependent on him, she needed him so much, and he already felt guilty and responsible for her. It can be said that under Jiang Zhengquan's indulgence, she was raised by him.
Zhou Wu unconsciously indulged her according to his own ideas, indulging her willfulness, her pampering, and her recklessness.
Especially after he learned lip reading.
To her, he was the most special person. He was the only one who understood her in her silent world. This specialness greatly fueled his inflated ego.
On countless nights when he was feeling depressed and mentally exhausted, as long as he thought of Jiang Deng, thought that there was such a person who relied on him and supported him wholeheartedly, and thought of Jiang Deng's clear eyes looking at him wholeheartedly, he would be filled with strength again.
He is selfish.
He hoped that Jiang Deng would never be contaminated by the mundane world, would always be carefree, would always be willful, would lose his temper whenever he wanted and do whatever he wanted.
Although Jiang Deng has many shortcomings, he is also his spiritual pillar and the only pure land in his heart.
But this relationship is unhealthy.
If we look at it from the perspective of a caregiver, his education of her was undoubtedly a failure.
He could protect her temporarily, but not forever. He wished to protect Jiang Deng under his wings, which led to her having no buffer zone and coping ability when she encountered an accident, and she slid directly from one extreme to another.
Everyone needs to grow, and everyone has his or her own responsibilities and tasks in life, but for his own selfish desires, he deprived Jiang Deng of the opportunity to grow.
"Ayu, you are good, it's me who is not good."
Zhou Wu seldom said these things. This kind of naked self-analysis would make him feel embarrassed. "Baby, this is not your responsibility alone."
Everyone has a dark side, including him.
If he seemed too bright to others, it was only because Jiang Deng had always been his invisible shadow.
At this point, both of them need to change.
And...it was his fault, most of the responsibility was on him.
If he hadn't been implicated in the kidnapping, Ayu might have been fine all along.
Normal people rarely encounter such extreme situations.
Even if Jiang Zhengquan was not a qualified father, if there had not been that kidnapping, their fragile father-daughter relationship would never have been so blatantly exposed, and Ayu would not have lost her voice and relied on him alone from then on.
She will be a healthy, normal person.
Maybe Jiang Xun would never be adopted by Jiang Zhengquan, maybe A Yu has now become the heir of Jiang Family Forest Company, just like Xu Lingran.
At the end of the conversation, Zhou Wu couldn't help but lower his head and close his eyes. He didn't know how to face her. He was afraid to face Jiang Deng's accusatory and complaining eyes, which would make him collapse.
He simply couldn't bear it.
……
It was the first time that Jiang Deng looked at himself from another angle.
It turns out that this is how Zhou Wu saw her from a bystander's perspective.
It turned out that in her previous life, she had been clinging to Zhou Wu like a madman. She felt like she was under a spell...
If you trace back to the source, it turns out there are reasons for everything.
This feeling is amazing.
Jiang Deng seemed to understand himself a little better, and also seemed to understand Zhou Wu a little better.
It turns out you are not a saint either.
she thinks.
Thinking of this, Jiang Deng felt as if he suddenly breathed a sigh of relief, as if the huge invisible stone that had been weighing on his heart for a long time had been lifted off his shoulders.
She seemed to be able to forgive herself.
For the first time, she felt that she was not inferior to Zhou Wu.
It turns out that she wasn't so crazy on purpose in her previous life, and it turns out that she wasn't so bad from the beginning.
Jiang Deng looked up at Zhou Wu.
Zhou Wu closed his eyes tightly, his eyelashes were trembling, and so was the hand holding her, but he still held her tightly, unwilling to let go.
Jiang Deng tried hard to pull his hand back.
Zhou Wu clenched his hand tighter instantly, veins popping out on the back of his hand.
But he kept his eyes closed.
"…Baby, will you hate me?"
In the unspeakable silence, Zhou Wu's lips moved and he spoke again.
If you don't open your eyes, how can you tell whether my answer is annoying or not?
Jiang Deng was speechless.
She continued to pull her hands hard, waiting to see when he would open his eyes.
Zhou Wu finally couldn't hold on any longer and opened his eyes quickly, his eyes were red. He rushed over and hugged her, holding her tightly in his arms, very hard, his voice was hoarse and panicked:
"Ayu, you can't leave! Even if you hate me... you can't leave me..."
He can't lose her.
No.
He couldn't stand it.
hold on.
Just wait until he gets rid of the system in her body.
When she was truly free, he could confess everything to her, and maybe they could start over.
They can definitely start over!
"Ayu..."
【But this is impossible.】 "He" suddenly spoke in his mind.